Monday, March 15, 2010 at 1:58 am

the beginning of the end - my story

okay i hav no idea how to start this off. neither do i noe how much i will self censor in the end. so for wad its worth, here goes!

n so this is a story about the past 8mths, my past 8mths..

the first day - its abit hazy now, but i believe this is wad happened.. n so i was late. joined the circle n started the customary ice-breaking introduction.. n then came this girl, who will later on become the lead of this story. she was dressed in a white round neck tee, with hair tied into a ponytail at the back. she was introduced to the group n she introduced herself. i barely heard her name, but it sounded like one that was way too familar for me. and over time, i realised it was indeed that very familar name. oh great! wad a small world huh. dun worry, hopefully i'll explain this part later on.. hahaha.

n so days passed and the events played out as it was.. didnt really had much interaction with her during the camp itself either, with only one situation i can recall. it was at the pasir ris park shelter n majority of the group were seated in a circle playing games again. it was kinda crowded n i was seated rather away frm the circle n thus wasnt involved. was talking wif the GL n then she somehow joined in the conversation. n yes, i rmb wad it was about.. "how serious do u treat ur life?" nth really interesting actually, juz a memory that sticks out in the camp..

n so sch started.. n one event of note was the movie outing that we so called co-organised.. actually i initiated the whole thing for her, because she said she really wanted to watch it.. heh.. n luckily, the thing ended up as quite a success.. n perhaps to date, we hav yet to hav another of such outside sch outing other den the semi-success K outing, which i'll come to later on as well. hahaha.

time passed, we exchanged sms on a frequent basis.. we did things normal friends would seldom do, or rather i did things that normal friends seldom do for one another.. i told her that i like her. n it was then decided that we should remain as good friends n c how things turn out.. actually, back in my mind, i alr knew all this was a mistake.. nth would come out of it.. n maybe that's y there nv was much other actions frm me on my part.. not that i would actually succeed i believe.. ~

n there was this one outing, that leaves a deep memory on me.. it was supposed to be a mass K outing for the whole group.. n ended up only 6 turned up.. n so we went to do the 1 thing i've nv liked doing in my life, sing. i seriously cant sing. i noe it, n i noe evryone who hears me sing will noe it the moment i've finished one line. hahaha. so there's this particular song that i sang with her (in fact, we were made to sing alot of duets tgt that day) that really stores all the memories from that session into it. no i wont divulge the title. hahaha..

n so exams came.. needed to study. n since it really isnt that conducive at home, i had to do so somewhere at sch.. the initial plan was to study with some other friends at their halls' study room. n then i think i sort of realised she was studying alone in her hall n as the kind-hearted soul that i m, i couldn't bear to let her go thru it alone.. okay maybe this is juz an excuse.. hahaha. bud yea, we were close during that period, too close as friends in fact. but it was a bad time to talk about it n we juz left it as it was till the end of the exams.. afterwhich, it was once again decided that we should step back n cool off..

the holidays were a horrible time for me. i admit, i couldn't deal with it at all.. she was everywhere, being busy with this and with that. n there i was, with pretty much nth to do except wasting my time thinking too much about things. come to think of it, that's wad i've always been doing......

sch started with a new semester, n it was hard for me.. for i didnt noe wad were we anymore.. were we even friends?? the first week was hard, to say the least.. especially with having only 2 modules in common with the group only. then i spilled the beans n told her about wad i had been thinking, n the situation got better.. gradually, we've got back to pretty much the way we were in the previous sem.. n that's all it has been.. n as the weeks went by, her time has become so limited that perhaps my sms to her now r probably the last thing on her mind that she can worry about.. its okay, i'll learn. i'll get used to it. i'll rid this bad habit of mine.. someday it'll hav to stop n y not now? =s

that's that. for the story.


now i'll go into some background info that perhaps nobody noes about as well as some explainations to some of the sections mentioned above..

okay let's start with y the way too familar name. for those who hav only known me since last july, probably only one of them noes about this.. the thing is that her name, is actually the same name as the previous girl whom i had a crush on, back in erm.... 2005 till 2008 or 9. not all the way la. bud on or off. so it makes me wonder, was it her looks that attracted me to her or was it her name?? this, i cant answer confidently..

nxt, why i've always felt that this will turn out to be a big mistake. i'm a believer that marriage is the union of two best friends who get along well n relies on each other for life. n i oso believe that for two best friends to not be bored of each other, they will hav to be able to find topics to talk about in everyday life, not juz certain hobbies/past-times. n as i've said b4, i'm not searching for a girlfriend to accompany me or entertain me, wad i want is a girlfriend that has the potential to become my future wife n the r/s has the potential to turn out to be for life. in her, we're juz not meant to be. the feeling's not right. the time-frame of life's not right as i explained b4.. the whole aspect of us is juz wrong. erm this is on the basis that she even accepts me if i really tried la. hahaha

so now, the reason i'm doing this entry about this story.. as the title suggest, i want this to be the beginning of the end. not the end of our friendship, but the end of my crush for her. according to my past records, i seem to take a really long time to end it, so i hope that with this, i can let myself noe that its totally over n nth is possible at all anymore. this way, i hope it'll make it easier for me. as for her, i very much doubt she'll even come n read this n pls DO NOT go n tell her about it so that she'll come n read it.. if she comes, good. if not, well, it wouldn't matter, since it has always been me only all along. as for those who noe other ppl who might be interested in this story, pls DO NOT go arnd showing ppl my blog or telling them about this. if i had told u my link, its probably becoz i feel comfortable with u seeing wad i blog about. n yes, there r ppl i'm NOT comfortable with seeing wad i blog. so THANK YOU in advance..

n this will be where i end my story. i hope that the nxt time i come here, i can report about positive improvements made towards ending the ending. =)

him

aro tan
chun leong
chen jun liang
penguin
cong cong
cls
hamtARO
2SG CL TAN

MP3 Player from Free Mp3

schools

Townsville Pri
Saint Gabriels' Sec
Singapore Poly
BMTC School 1
School of Infantry Specialists
Engineer Training Institue
Armoured Engineer Training Centre
Nanyang Technological University

affiliations

ALA School of Talents
SGSSRCY
NCHSRCY
Blossom
Danisco
F&N Coca-Cola
Pokka
Paragon Market Place
Apache P2 S1
Charlie P3 S3
ETI - STW P3 S3
ETI - AE P1 S2
38SCE 'A' Coy - Platoon 2
ASTW P2 S4
ATC - AESC 01/09
Anza
Partyworld KTV
SGH VSC 5
SYOG Housekeeping - Grad Hall
WSC - TCS
CCCLR

likes

soccer
mathematics
jay chou
mother nature
reading
using my brain
puma
man utd
italia

kinda dislikes

changes
socialising
singaporeans

life logics

keep walking - johnnie walker

i think, therefore i am.

everything happens for a reason.

a child owes his parents everything.

there is no forever, no eternal either.

His 2011

6th Jan - Rou Hui & Amy Bday
6th Jan to 11th Jan - Family TW trip
12th Jan - Rena Bday
16th Jan - Yun Shan Bday
24th Jan - Jia Sheng Bday
28th Jan - Edmund Bday
30th Jan - Eileen Tan Bday
6th Feb - Christopher Bday
14th Feb - Yong Jie Bday
15th Feb - Katie Bday
17th Feb - Felix Bday
19th Feb - You Qiang Bday
22th Feb - Leslie Bday
27th Feb - NTUC U-Run 2011
28th Feb - Yiyang Bday
4th Mar - Yong Guang Bday
11th Mar - Hong Xi & Kar Mun Bday
27th Mar - Liang Jimm Bday
4th Apr - Samuel Bday
11th Apr - Dillion Bday
17th Apr - Uncle Lam & Shawn Chia Bday
20th Apr - Cai Fa & Yuen Meng Bday
23rd Apr - Llukelly Bday
26th Apr - Elton Bday
30th Apr - Jeremy Bday
1st May - Sheng Yang Bday
3rd May - Michael Bday
6th May - Edwin & Mabel Bday
11th May - Elvin Bday
16th May - Jiayi Bday
21st May - Suraj Bday
21st May - PAssion Run 2011
23rd May - Jun Hong Bday
24th May - Amelia Bday
28th May - Sundown Marathon 2011
1st Jun - Jamie Bday
3rd Jun - Mei Zi Bday
7th Jun - Uncle Chew Bday
8th Jun - Weng Hua Bday
10th Jun - Manru Bday
12th Jun - Pei Xuan & Wayne Lim Bday
14th Jun - Chee Kit Bday
15th Jun - Shun Qiang Bday
16th Jun - Reuben & CSM Bday
17th Jun - Yu Ching Bday
17th & 18th Jun - WSC Summer Camp 2011
29th Jun - Jia Yi & Yvonne Bday
3rd Jul - Hui Kee Bday
5th Jul - Kian Wei Bday
9th Jul - Lay Eng, Shi Kiat & Meng Yeow Bday
10th Jul - Nadia & Jie Sheng Bday
13th Jul - Kai Png Bday
25th Jul - Huiyu Bday
26th Jul - Elaine Bday
28th Jul - Li Ning & Hui Xiang Bday
31st Jul - Alina Bday
1st Aug - Wen Hao Bday
5th Aug - Darren Chia Bday
6th Aug - Hamtaro Bday
11th Aug - Josirlyn Bday
16th Aug - Shafiq Bday
19th Aug - Eugene Seah Bday
21st Aug - Qianbing Bday
22nd Aug - Lay Boon Bday
28th Aug - Evangeline Bday
29th Aug - Linda & Deborah Bday
31st Aug - Kai Bin & Sabrina Bday
1st Sep - Pearly Bday
3rd Sep - Hwee Lee Bday
4th Sep - Denny Bday
7th Sep - Mama Bday
13th Sep - Xi Xun Bday
19th Sep - Joseph Bday
21st Sep - Miao Hong Bday
25th Sep - Wei Min Bday
26th Sep - Jeffrey Bday
1st Oct - Christina Bday
4th Oct - Jia Yang Bday
6th Oct - Tee Tong Bday
14th Oct - Alwin & Chin Seng Bday
15th Oct - Carol & Cynthia Bday
16th Oct - Li Ting Bday
18th Oct - Karen Bday
25th Oct - Su Qi Bday
26th Oct - Wen Qian Bday
31st Oct - Nelson Tan Bday
1st Nov - Jeyshanker Bday
2nd Nov - Nasir Bday
3rd Nov - Shi Liang Bday
5th Nov - Mun Wei Bday
7th Nov - Shermain Bday
18th Nov - Raj Bday
23rd Nov - Chester Bday
25th Nov - Pik Xuan Bday
26th Nov - Zhen Yang & Ming Li Bday
26th Nov - ZY & ML's Wedding
27th Nov - Chun Yong Bday
28th Nov - Laopa Bday
30th Nov - Alton Bday
6th Dec - Qing Wei Bday
7th Dec - Mandy Bday
8th Dec - Melissa Tan Bday
9th Dec - Xi Ning Bday
13th Dec - Teng Siong Bday
17th Dec - Andrew Goh Bday
18th Dec - Nurul Bday
19th Dec - Kok Kiang & Darren Teng Bday
23rd Dec - Nicholas Teo & Clarene Bday
27th Dec - Yi Hao Bday
31st Dec - Last Day of 2011

links

a r o t a n c h u n l e o n g

his past

nov 07
dec 07
jan 08
feb 08
mar 08
apr 08
may 08
jun 08
jul 08
aug 08
sep 08
oct o8
nov o8
dec o8
jan o9
feb o9
mar o9
apr o9
may o9
jun o9
jul o9
aug o9
sep o9
oct o9
nov o9
dec o9
jan 1o
feb 1o
mar 1o
apr 1o
may 1o
jun 1o
jul 1o
aug 1o
sep 1o
oct 1o
nov 1o
dec 1o

~end~